I am currently... 90k words into the first draft of Dyed Blue.
In other words, since the second week of January I have written more words than I ever have written on one project, have gotten past the middle of my first project ever... and am set to finish by my self-set deadline, March first.
And, in other words, I'm about to finish a first draft... for the first time ever.
I am over the moon excited.
Because for a while there, I had my doubts. I doubted that I was actually cut out to be a writer because I'd never finished a full length manuscript before, I hadn't even gotten halfway through - I hadn't ever written more than 40k words on a single project, and I thought maybe, I haven't been called to be a writer.
For a while there, I doubted that I would be able to do it. And I set myself a low goal - 60k to 85k words.
And here I am, less than two months after I started drafting, and already at 90k with The End only five chapters away.
Let's just say that the Lord has been good, my family has been gracious and I have been blessed with both energy and time. And I've learned that when you st your mind to it and actually make yourself do it, you can do it.
Whether you're a writer doubting that you can finish that first draft, or a mom, doubting you'll be able to teach and guide your children well enough, because of God, and in God, and through God, you can.
Not in our own strength, because we are very weak. But in God's. In His strength. In our weakness and our failings and our doubting, He is made strong and He is glorified and He is exalted.
The Messiness of Life and Writing
Since my first update post, this amazing little (except, not so little anymore XD) story has grown and changed quite a bit.
Lily has two neices, not a twin sister, Soren is going to get his own point of view chapters (eventually) and it's... not really a Beauty and the Beast retelling anymore.
And as I've had some people read through the very, very messy first draft, I have SO so many things I want to change and edit - which my writing friends have had to adamantly force me not to do!
One of the main rules while writing a first draft is to NOT go back and edit, and for a perfectionist like myself, that has been terribly hard. But, I have to keep reminding myself that the first draft is merely telling yourself the story. The first draft is going to be messy. The first draft is going to be rough.
It's kind of like that in life. You're not perfect. Your life is messy. There's laundry piling up on your couch and assignments overdue. Life is not easy, not a piece of cake by any means - it's rough.
It's God writing your story in the most perfectly His way. Even when that way doesn't go our way.
It's living a story with God as the main character, and that's so easy to forget sometimes, isn't it? So easy to forget that God is writing the story, and we're living it for Him.
A Little Bit About Dyed Blue
If I could sum up Dyed Blue in one sentence (which is excruciatingly hard, but necessary sometimes!) this would be it.
With poison-filled blue veins, Lilyth Rossi is the daughter to Old York's criminal king, and the villain her people hate, and she is determined to prove them all wrong by revealing the loving heart that her father and this cruel world have so viciously have destroyed.
So yeah, maybe a bit of a run-on... but hey, it's a try! And if I could sum up what it's about, or the message I'm trying to convey I would say it's about a girl who doesn't believe she can be loved - doesn't believe she is worthy of love - realizing that love does not have to be earned or proven. It's unconditional and you can never prove that you are worthy of it.
There's more stuff too, like a love triangle and impending deaths and adorable little kids, epic (in my humble opinion ;) worldbuilding and fight scenes and technology, and a city full of hateful people and crime. But for now, instead of going into every detail, here's a little snippet from the midpoint (the middle of the novel, for all of you non-writers) and some new and improved character collages.
A Short Snippet
“You okay?” Xander finally says breaking the stillness of the street and glancing back over his shoulder at me.
I nod my head, but my voice shakes. “Yeah, yeah…” I look around at the shadows and the eyes and the fluttering fabrics snapping in the ghostly street, and my hands twitch nervously. “Let’s just hurry, please.”
Xander eyes me, not believing a word, but quickens his pace. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t save the twins,” he whispers after a long beat of silence.
My eyes close, breath sticking in my throat. I’m sorry too. So, so sorry. And sometimes sorry just doesn’t cut it.
“But,” he continues, and I struggle to focus on his words instead of the agony curling in my gut, “the distraction destroyed a lot of your father’s resources and supplies. Soren got the information we needed—we can still do this. You can still do this, Lily—”
A shout cuts him off, and he raises his gun threatening. Uptowners in their ragged clothes and dirty faces and flickering in and out of the shadows. Lots of them… and they’re angry.
“What do you want?” a voice shouts.
“Get out of our city, Downtowners!” someone else spits, voice distorted by the darkness and shadows. More shouts laced with hate and anger bounce off the crumbling shacks in the street, crossed arms and old-fashioned guns hidden by the murky lights in the street.
“Everyone back!” Xander shouts, his voice crashing down against their pitiful murmurs as he pushes himself in front of me, raising his gun.
Scoffs titter in response. “You think that gun will save you, boy?”
“It won’t save you,” he snarls, fury coiling in his muscles.
“That a threat?” More murmurs and curses roll through the shadows, and then, before I can raise a hand to protect myself, a glass bottle is shattering against my skull. Xander shouts in fury, his gun arching towards the shadows where the bottle was thrown from as he pushes me backward. Into the light.
Through the gunshots and the shouting, one shout carries above them all. “It’s her—it’s the Blue Kiss.”
And immediately, silence shocks the alley. Xander freezes, slowly turning to look at me and the blue blood covering the hand I have pressed to my forehead. The blue blood glittering in the streetlight. The blue blood coating my cheek in the sticky color of my life and sending phantoms of horror shaking through me.
The shadows start screaming, and my breathing quickens, my chest rising and falling as I take in the horrifying hate pounding, pounding, pounding against my breaking heart.
“Everyone get back!” Xander’s voice is a dulled rhythm against my aching head as my hands start to shake, eyes frantically spinning to find something, anyone, whose face isn’t distorted with anger and malice and years of hate.
“It’s the baby killer!”
“The Blue Kiss—kill her!”
“She doesn’t deserve to be breathing when our children aren’t!”
The shouts shatter against me, and I suck in a strangled breath, gasping for a break from the barrage of hatred. Another gunshot splits the air, and my lips open. “I’m trying to save you!” I scream, clutching at my chest as my knees slam against the ground. “I never wanted this for you—I didn’t ask for this!”
The shouts and curses don’t stop, and tears cut down my bloodied cheeks. I just wanted to show you I love you, I think as my eyes close against the burning and the ache in my bones.
“Nothing you could do could ever save us—could never save you from us!”
I curl in on myself.
“You can’t save us from yourself!”
My hands dig into my skull, trying to pull out the echoes of hate, the haunting memories scarring my fingertips. I hear their voices as if I’m a hundred feet underwater, drowning, their ghost-like screams crushing against my chest. Suffocating me.
Xander’s frantic words fall on deaf ears—ears so used to hearing the hate that it. Just. Hurts. But what’s worse is my own voice, shredding me from the inside out.
You couldn’t save the twins. You failed.
Something slams against my head, I hear a gunshot pierce the night, hear Xander’s aching, raging shout, and feel the darkness curling around my thoughts. Feel the shadows pulling at me, the haunting emptiness of sleep rising up to embrace me. And I let myself fall into it.
I couldn’t save the twins.
And the villains always die in the end… what’s the point?
A Few Collages
So... that was pretty much the very middle of the story at one of the more intense moments haha and who knows, maybe in editing it will look completely different. But that's a little of my current writing style and hopefully piques your interest!
And hopefully doesn't spoil too much!!
But now for those collages, which I like to do for all my characters, especially when I'm outlining, because it helps me kind of get inside their head and just hypes me up to write about them! And the graphic designer half of my brain just loves designing anything!
This first collage is for the main character, Lily (or Lilyth) and was probably the hardest to make because I have so many quotes and pictures for her, and I could only pick so many. On the other hand, choosing the color was probably the easiest in this one!
These second two collages are for the two love interests, the first, Xander, and the second, Soren. Yes, there is a love traingle and no, I'm not going to tell you who she ends up with. Maybe... neither.
And this next collage is... my favorite. Both my favorite collage and my favorite character (don't tell Lily!) because she's like this spunky, sarcastic strong mamma, but is also super sweet and kind and likes to bake and laugh. So yeah, she's pretty amazing.
Then there are the twins, who I have a few different collages for, and want to make different collages for each of them. For now, though, here's this one.
And finally, we have the villain. Lily's dad. The twins' grandfather. Old York's criminal king and overlord. In all, a pretty terrible guy, which... makes a pretty epic villain.
The Messiness Of Rough Drafts and Life
So, that's Dyed Blue. Definitely still a work in progress, but, aren't we all? Aren't we all becoming a little bit more like Jesus, every day, striving to be like Him even though we know we will never be perfect?
I know this story will never be perfect, but I'm going to work on it and grow through it and strive for it to be the best I can make it.
And the beautiful thing about that is we don't have to strive to do the best we can do, because we have the Holy Spirit, and we have our Savior's strength, and in Him we can be holy as He is holy.
Our lives are messy, rough works-in-progresses, and in that, Christ is made strong. He is working through our messy lives to create something beautiful, and we just have to remember that He is writing our story, He's got this, and He loves us.
Even when we're not perfect.
I've learned a lot through pushing myself to finish this terribly rough first draft, but the main thing that God has been teaching me is that He doesn't care as much about perfection, as He cares about our hearts.
He cares about your heart, He wants your heart, and whether you're in the middle of writing a book or just trying to get through life, I want to encourage you to run to Him. He's waiting for you, He loves you, and He is writing your story in the most perfect way for His greater story.
Trust Him.
He cares about you and your story. So trust Him with it, give up control, and let Him turn your messiness into a beautiful story for His glory.