I have recently been thinking about and pondering the question of identity.
Identity as in who we are, what we are, and Whose we are. Identity as in how we are defined and who we are defined by.
It is so easy to forget who - and Whose - we are. It is so easy to lose sight of what defines us, and often more important, what doesn't. We get caught up in the whirlwind of life and politics and jobs and relationships, and we let the truth of Who our King is get swept up and left behind us.
We define ourselves by our job, or our spouse, or our children. We find our identity in how we look and who we hang out with and what we do. And we forget that really the only thing that matters is that we are children of God.
That is what defines us. That is what says who we are. No one else.
But often the things we let re-define us and try to convince us that our identity is not in our Savior aren't inherently bad things and they are so so hard to find until we take a step back.
A few good friends have recently been bring up the question of... what if I wasn't a writer?
What if I wasn't a writer? What if I wasn't a mom? What if I wasn't a highschooler, or an artist, or a student, or a worker?
Take the something that is important to you, and strip it away, and ask yourself what if.
Because, if I'm being honest, my first response to the question of what if I wasn't a writer... was I don't know. Outside of being a writer, who am I?
I don't know - nothing? No one?
Those were honestly, my first thoughts. Writing is my passion and I have poured so much of my life into it, and even just thinking about having it ripped away is... hard. Who am I if I'm not a writer?
And that's when I realized that writing was becoming my identity. I was letting writing - in and of itself a very good, powerful thing - define me.
It had become my everything, my life, and thinking about getting it stripped away only made me want to cling to it more tightly. I didn't want to think about letting go of it, or who I would be without it, because when something becomes our identity we aren't anything without it.
That's scary to think about. To think that... I don't even know who I am apart from writing.
It's a dangerous trap to fall into because our books and our words become who we are. When someone doesn't like our story, or critiques our book for the umpteenth time, or says it's not good enough, it's a blow to our hearts because, since it has become our identity and defined who we are, they're saying we aren't good enough.
When your children mess up, or you get bad grades, or the laundry isn't done again, we feel the world chipping away at our own hopes and dreams and souls because when they say they aren't good enough, they are saying you aren't good enough.
And that's a dangerous place to be.
We relate writing and our jobs and how we look and our friends and our children so closely to who we are that they define us and become us and when they're stripped away we can't find the line between where they ended and we began... so we're stripped away too.
It’s a dangerous place to be because it’s not true.
We aren’t defined by what we do. We aren’t defined by who we’re friend with or what school we go to or how good our grades are. We aren’t defined by how many times our children cry or how many times they make mistakes.
None of that defines us. None of that is our identity.
Because God is.
The King of this world, the Savior Who gave up everything for you, the Friend Who is sticking close by your side, holding your hand - He defines you. He calls you by name. He chooses you. He says whether you are worthy, or good enough, or strong enough, or loved.
And do you know what He calls you?
Do you know what how He defines you?
My child.
Beloved.
Chosen.
He defines you as His, and your identity… is in Him. And Him alone.
So that question I asked myself - the question we all face, so many times in our lives, in so many different forms. What if I’m not a writer? Who am I if I’m not a mom?
Where is my identity, and who defines me?
I am beloved. I am His. I am a Child of God and He loves me.
He defines me. He is my identity. And nothing else matters.
We can let this world and the things in it define us. We can let our passions and our loves and our things become our identity.
Or, we can stop listening to the world. We can stop paying attention to their many voices, trying to lead us astray. We can pick our heads up from the monotinous desperation to be good enough and loved.
And we can remember that He loves us.
He has called us by name and defined us as His. His special posession. His chosen ones. His people. His beloved.
When we choose to be defined by Him, the question of what if becomes less scary, less terrifying, because it’s not stripping away who you are anymore.
Maybe it’s taking away part of you, or shifting a piece of you, or taking a dream in a different direction, but it’s not taking away any part of you because all of you is tied up in Him.
So ask yourself what if, and stop letting the things of this world define who you are. Ask yourself what if, and answer with Him. Stip away the pieces of you that the world is clawing at until the most important thing, the most vital and monumental part of you…
Is Him.
What if I’m not a writer?
Then, I am still His.
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